Dine's Ethos

Going into law school, I was always told the first year is the hardest. As long as you get through the first year, you’ll be okay. Girl, they all lied. My second year was definitely the hardest. It might not have even been due to the academics. Maybe it was just life’s circumstances, my mental state, online law school and the effects of the pandemic. But out of all three years, I struggled with the second year the most.

COVID hit in the beginning of the second semester of 1L year, and our law school shifted to online courses. Students felt like they weren’t getting the quality education they were paying for. They weren’t able to socialize with their peers, and they couldn’t build relationships with professors, or at least not as well as they could if classes were in person. We were also strongly discouraged from entering the law school building.

Beginning 2L year, we were still doing online courses and instead of lowering tuition, the law school administration said the discount was them not raising tuition. Lol if that doesn’t sound lawyerly, what does?

Tuition was $14,472.27 for the fall semester, $14,752.25 for the spring semester and $7,678.24 for the summer.

Fall

For the fall semester, I took Criminal Procedure, Bankruptcy, Advanced Learning from Practice, Applied Legal Writing and I interned at the Utah Juvenile Defenders Attorneys, LLC (UJDA). All of my classes were virtual.

By this point, I had honed my approach to notetaking, case briefing, and class participation. The cold-calling culture often pressures students to memorize every detail of a case, but by my 2L year, I realized that wasn’t necessary. I could rely on outlines from previous students and just adapt it to the way I learned and took notes. I also shifted my perspective on asking questions and learning about the law. My focus changed from trying to answer all of my professor’s questions during cold calls to understanding the core significance of each case. Why were we studying this case? What lessons were we supposed to take away? This change in approach made me more comfortable seeking clarification and utilizing my professors’ office hours, which in turn made my course load more manageable.

Interning at UJDA was an experience. Everyone (my professors, society, humanity, etc.) was still trying to figure out how to transition from in-person to virtual so my internship was odd. I never met with anyone in person. All of our interactions were via Zoom, Webex, phone calls or emails. I didn’t feel like I was being utilized to my full potential. Sometimes, I felt like I was just being pushed to the side because they were still trying to figure out how to adjust to the virtual world. Even the courts were trying to figure out how to navigate COVID restrictions. I was assigned to work on the Voices for Utah Children’s Juvenile Indigent Defense Research Project. Through this project, the Voices for UT Children conducted juvenile delinquency court observations across all of Utah for an updated report on the status of indigent juvenile representation in Utah. I would shadow UJDA attorneys and record my observations of the court hearings. If the attorneys had time, we’d have a phone call to dissect any observations and questions I had.

We always like to think that bad things won’t ever happen to us but in November, my dad tested positive for COVID-19. Two weeks after that, my mom tested positive too. There was so much uncertainty about COVID and the numbers continued to rise. So many conspiracies floating around. COVID isn’t real. Get the vaccine. Don’t get the vaccine. Wear a mask. Don’t wear a mask. It was stressful not knowing how it would affect my parents in the short term and in the long run. TYJ they recovered!

Spring

For the spring semester, I took Evidence, Family Law and Constitutional Law II. Evidence and Constitutional Law were my favorite classes in law school. Evidence is heavily tested on the bar exam , so having the opportunity to study it in law school was incredibly beneficial. I found Evidence particularly fascinating as it provided insights into how the rules of evidence are applied in trials and their significant impact on case outcomes. Professor Heiny was engaging and knowledgeable which just fueled my desire to master the rules of evidence.

Constitutional Law captivated me because of its foundational importance. It delved into the core principles that shape our legal system and the country itself. We analyzed landmark cases, such as those that legalized interracial marriage, declared racial segregation in public schools unconstitutional, and defined the scope of the U.S. Congress’ legislative power. Constitutional law directly impacts society and governance and understanding how constitutional law cases have formed what we now know as society was an enriching experience .

Summer

In the summer I took Business Organizations and Drafting Contracts. The summer schedule meant I was frequently on call in Business Organizations, but this turned out to be a highlight of my law school experience, thanks to Professor Schwartz. His engaging teaching style and expertise made him one of my favorite professors, and I ended up earning one of my highest grades in his class. Drafting Contracts was equally rewarding, offering practical, hands-on experience. We spent significant time drafting various contracts, honing our skills, and learning the importance of precision. It was eye-opening to see how a single word or a misplaced comma could significantly impact a contract’s effectiveness.

MPRE

Majority of law students, if not all, will take the Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination (MPRE) some time in their second year. The MPRE is a standardized test administered by the National Conference of Bar Examiners (NCBE). It’s designed to measure the knowledge and understanding of established standards related to a lawyer’s professional conduct. It’s a two-hour, 60-question multiple-choice examination. 50 of the questions are scored and the other 10 are unscored pretest questions. Most jurisdictions require a passing MPRE score for admission to the bar, either before or after passing the bar exam. In Utah, you are required to pass the MPRE before you can sit for the bar exam. The MPRE is only administered three times a year so you need to plan ahead to ensure that you take it and pass it early enough so that you can apply for the bar exam.

I didn’t take the MPRE until my 3L year.

Life

Life was indeed life-ing during my 2L year. Law school and life had begun to take a toll on me. I felt unfulfilled. Even more undeserving. Education had always excited me, but at that point, I dreaded school. I nearly hated it.

At the beginning of my 2L year, my oldest sister moved out, and my second oldest sister had already been living in Georgia for a few years. I was now the oldest child at home. I felt a lot more pressure to keep it together. To be in control. I began to resent life for not recognizing how much I had on my plate—how stressed out I was and how much I needed help. I kept telling myself, “Just one more year, then you can be more vulnerable, more transparent.” I coordinated my youngest sister’s tutoring sessions and appointments, tried to stay on top of her school progress, and endeavored to be a resource for everyone. I tried to make sure that my younger sisters were doing well. That they felt heard in our family dynamic but also that my older sisters didn’t feel cut out of our family discussions because they lived in a different state. Coordinated household duties and daughterly responsibilities so that my parents weren’t stressed out. Tried to be a good sister but shit, was I struggling.

The years from starting law school to taking the bar exam were cathartic for my family. Catalysts emerged that forced difficult conversations, not only between us as children and our parents but also among siblings. Learning the law was already wreaking havoc on my brain, but the changes I so deeply wanted within my home, my family, and myself were also tearing me apart.

There were so many challenging conversations. Explaining why mental health is important. Why is it even a thing? Why you need to be more conscious of what you say. Don’t comment on people’s bodies. Respect each other’s boundaries. Don’t hurt each other’s feelings. The fact that we all got different version of our parents and each other. How our expectations of each other not only hurt others but ourselves. How do we feel loved? Do we even feel loved? How can we make the home a safe space for everyone? Do we feel supported? Can we be vulnerable at home? If not home, where else would we be vulnerable?

Taking accountability for how you’ve hurt the people you love and being determined to change is a difficult process. So many painful conversations, over 4-5 years, that I am so thankful took place. It brought us closer as a family. I am closer to my sisters and parents because of it, and I feel more settled inside. However, being in the middle of those years, not knowing how everything would ultimately turn out? God was it so isolating being the catalyst for those painful conversations.

Being in the middle of those years, trying so desperately to shine a light on the subjects I believed were important, trying to make sure my siblings were heard, making sure my parents were understood – I was the harshest to myself. My sadness deepened because I understood. I truly comprehended. I knew what it meant to prioritize yourself. Live for you. Set boundaries. Create the life you need to be happy. I think understanding made my anguish even more profound. Because I understood, I felt resigned. I mean, what option did I have? Lol. Isn’t that a b to realize?

I tried to fill my time with things other than law school and my books. I just felt so isolated from everyone, but it was a self-made isolation. I didn’t think I could depend on anyone but myself. Life seemed grey. Yet, at the same time, I felt settled because I accepted that the truth was I could only rely on myself. Was that an illusion of acceptance or true acceptance?

I ordered Baha’i writings and began reading them, hoping that there was more to life than what was apparent. Would finding a higher purpose through God be enough to fill the gaps I felt? Or was I just going through a hard time? I didn’t want to find purpose in others; I wanted to find it in myself. Is that not possible?

In the summer I started working. I was working full-time and taking summer classes. Two weeks before my finals, my mom’s sister passed away in Vegas. My mom wanted me to go with her to the funeral, and I felt stretched thin. Would I be able to study? I knew it was only going to be for a few days, but that was mental time and effort directed elsewhere. Along the way, I have become the default planner for our family events. So it was just a given that I’d be that person in this instance as well. Planning and coordinating funeral arrangements—how much money to contribute, what to take, ordering funeral pins, flowers, renting a car, driving, renting a U-Haul trailer for the food, booking an Airbnb—became my responsibility. In the midst of it, I was struggling to juggle my responsibilities. But I’m grateful I chose to go. I know I made the right decision. Hell, I got an A- in Business Organizations. It all worked out.

A friend asked me what the hardest part of law school was. My answer was how isolated it made me feel. Being a first generation law student already made me feel distanced from my peers, but believing that it didn’t even matter to say that I was struggling? That was the most isolating. I’m still not sure how I got through my 2L year. Somehow through life, I’ve adopted the mentality that whatever I’m going through, I need to grit my teeth and get it done anyways. Cry for a day, then move on. Having a hard time? Figure it out. Whatever happens? Figure it out. Either way, I coped.

I’m still learning how to forgive myself because I did my very best for what I knew at the time. At the end of the day, I am my biggest critic.