Dine's Ethos

This is possibly the most consequential decision I’ve made to date.

I’ve decided to move back home next year. A little over 3 months from now and I’m scared shitless. When I first started my first “baby lawyer” job, I told myself I’d give it a year and if I didn’t like my job after the year-mark, I could leave. Not even a year into my job and I knew I couldn’t be a family law attorney for the rest of my life. Even then, I was afraid to leave.

Am I being too much of a wimp by choosing to leave this job? Am I not tough enough for the job? Am I making the job harder than it actually is? Do I just want an easy job?

In my mind, I went around and around about why I should leave, why I should stay. Etc. It was a sort of rollercoaster. One day, I’d feel great about my job. I’d tell myself I’m making a difference. Checking things off a list is fulfilling. Other days, I dreaded going to work. I’d ask myself, “Is this really why you went to law school?”

I work on the weekdays. On Saturdays, I volunteer as a family mentor with refugee families. On Sundays, I stay in bed and read romance novels. Clean my room. Go to the bookstore. Go to the mall. Try a new restaurant. And then I repeat. Every week, every day. Am I expecting too much out of life? Am I wanting more than what I have? What I deserve? This is where I am at in life right now and I feel like I’m missing something. Maybe that’s why I’ve made the decision to move back home.

About a month ago, I sent a LinkedIn request to connect to an attorney back home. I didn’t think anything of it. I just wanted to connect with other Samoan attorneys. She accepted and messaged me. She said to let her know if I ever wanted to come home to work. I took a screenshot and sent it in my group chat with my sisters. Immediately, they said to do it. “Why not? You’ve always wanted to go home. Now is your chance.” It was probably their reaction that made me even consider doing it. I asked for more information. Had phone calls with the attorney on LinkedIn, other attorneys that moved back home, and talked to my parents about it.

My dad’s instant answer was “No.” He didn’t want me to move back home. Said my future is in America. My mom was emotional. Got teary eyed. I can tell she’s worried about me moving back on my own. There are times that she’ll cry or she’ll look at me and just looks sad that I’m leaving. She’s decided to fly with me when I go. She’ll stay for three weeks and then come back to UT. I’m glad my mom is going with me. I feel relieved and I know it’ll give her peace of mind to see where I’ll be living.

I hope I’m making the right decision. I’m 26 and only a year-in to being an attorney. I don’t want to screw up my life.